For Your Own Good
Most women are natural born nurturers: we love to take care of people, we love to serve, we love to help. We love to stay busy doing for others. As mothers we get so wrapped up in taking care of our children and all the responsibilities and expectations that come with that, that it becomes easy to lose ourselves in the process. We essentially put ourselves on the back burner and neglect taking care of ourselves in one or all three of these areas: physically, emotionally and spiritually. Maybe we were taught or perhaps misinterpreted that doing things for ourselves is a selfish thing. What I have learned over the years is that it’s a fine balance. If we focus so much on others, we neglect our own needs and our tank becomes empty. It’s difficult to give from an empty well. If we focus too much on self and all the things that we think we “need” we can become self-centered and unhappy.
For me, I had to learn a good balance because I’m a giver and nurturer and love to do for others, but I found that as much as that fills me up, I also felt empty because I was neglecting some of my own needs. It’s an interesting dichotomy because giving and serving others fills us up but that tank can be quickly emptied if we keep on giving and we don’t take the time to fill ourselves back up. I’m a big believer in the give and receive cycle, which applies to so many things in life. In a nutshell, the give and receive cycle is in order to be a good giver, you in turn need to be an equally good receiver. You can’t be a really good giver without being a good receiver. So as much as I love to give all the day long, I also need to create space to receive what’s given to me and the seek and receive the opportunities available to me so that I can fill up that giving tank.
I had to find things that nourished me physically, emotionally and spiritually so that I could be my best self because when I’m my best self I can step more fully into my purpose as a daughter of God and fulfill those things that I promised Him that I would.
I came to the realization that I had buried a lot of pain from childhood deep down. I’m certain many can relate, as I have had hundreds and hundreds of conversations with women about this. Many of us were taught to “suck it up and be happy.” Put on your happy face, right?!!! Push the sad and negative emotions and feelings aside and just ignore it. Not a healthy way. After much prayer with a desire to heal from experiences from childhood, I realized that feelings do not just go away because they are in the past. I found that I was buffering with serving others or indulging in foods that didn’t nourish my body to avoid feeling the sadness that was sitting below the surface. It affected my self-worth and had become deeply embedded in the childhood soil in which it had been planted. It was time for me to do the work and to pluck out those weeds of self-doubt.
This is when I created space in my life for healing and I knew it would help me to step more into my purpose. I found a great therapist, I hired several life coaches over the years, and most importantly I applied the Atonement of Jesus Christ more fully in my life. I poured myself into scripture. I nourished my thirsty soul spiritually and I worked on many of the false beliefs I had about myself. Some serious cognitive dissonance was going on because I believed I was a daughter of God, and yet I didn’t believe in myself and I indulged in self-deprecating thoughts that were not getting me the results that I wanted. I felt nudged to invest in myself so I could more fully invest in others.
For your own good I promise you that are worth investing in. You are worth it!
P.S. I would love to help you out. If you are interested in setting up a free coaching consultation with me, please send me a message.