That a long title for this post, right?!!! It’s a powerful statement/

Last month during a coaching session with one of my life coaches, he said to me “love who you see not what you see.”

I asked him to repeat what he had just said. It was one of those moments where time stood still. I heard something so simple, yet so profound. Something that held so much truth. I wrote down what he said. I got quiet. I sat with it for a moment.Tears filled my eyes. It was truly one of the moments that I felt God speaking to me through another person and whispering to me that I am enough exactly where I am at right at this moment. As I let those words sink in, I could feel God telling me to really LISTEN to those words. He told me that to that the truth of those words sink into my soul.

During this same session I was telling my coach about a post I read on Facebook written by my friend, Jennifer. She was talking about emotional baggage and letting things go. As I read her post I was touched by her vulnerability, transparency and authenticity.These are my people, the people willing to show their flaws and willing to show up being real.

You guys, I’ve done sooooo much work on myself the last 10 years. I’ve dug so deep. The deep dive kind of work. I’ve done so much work knowing I’m worth fighting for. There is nothing more that I want in this life than to live to my highest potential and glorify my Father in Heaven and Savior, Jesus Christ.

After reading my friends post I got really still and I asked God, what is it I need to let go? Who do I still need to forgive? I feel like I had gone through every person in my life that had wronged me, betrayed me, etc…and I thought I had forgiven every single one of them, however, there was somebody that I forgot, and the answer I received took my breath away. The answer brought me to tears. Like the ugly cry but the tears were so cathartic.

God said, “Tammy, you need to forgive yourself.” What? Whoa! Why? Really? How?

Just to give you a little background and the “aha” moment that I had. My Dad made some flippant comment about my body size when I was 13. At the time this comment was made I was out doing some back-to-school clothes shopping with my Dad, stepsisters and stepmom. I was looking at something on one of the clothes rack and he said something to the effect of that “pair of pants won’t fit you.” He was comparing me to two of my extremely skinny step-sisters. I could just feel myself shrink into myself at that moment. I felt insignificant and strangely disgusted with myself. These feelings were foreign to me. Here’s the thing, I was your average sized 13 year old. I had never even thought about my body up until that point. ⠀

Words and thoughts are powerful and this is what happened as a result of that comment..

It was the beginning of an eating disorder. That was the beginning of me hating on my body unless it could be perfect – which no matter how thin I was it wasn’t enough. I nitpicked and trash talked myself all day long in my head.

My connection to my Dad (mostly subconscious) was to live up to his approval of my physical appearance because that was something he was so fixated on with just about everyone he knew (he didn’t have much of a filter regarding peoples weight). In a distorted way I thought all was right in the world if I could meet what he considered an “acceptable appearance.” Sad, I know.

I was actually able to have a long overdue conversation with him about this incident that shaped my life all those years and years ago. I told him how powerful words were. I wasn’t raging at him or anything like that, but I had to share my voice with him finally in hopes that he would see the power and impact words can have on another person. That conversation was very healing but it wasn’t everything that I was going to need to work through.

So here we are, my Dad passed away 3 years ago. Since then I’ve probably gained around 35 pounds. It’s all emotional stuff that I need to let go. Did you know that our unresolved emotions can manifest itself as weight on our body. Yes, this is true.

You can gain and lose weight over time, but until you address the underlying emotions, it will just come back.

I’ve come to realize the power of my own thoughts and how that has affected my physiology. Literally. The way that I’ve spoken to myself has not always been kind. I’ve been like a bully in the way I see my external appearance. Like my worth was all wrapped up in that.

So, here I am, doing some more digging and pulling up those limiting beliefs and those lies I’ve told myself and I’m giving them to my Savior. I feel such a renewed hope in this year of 2020 – a year of clear vision. I’m choosing to believe thoughts about myself that are so deeply aligned with who God created me to be.

And you know what? I love WHO I see. And as I give all the lies and limiting beliefs up, and I remember that I have a loving Father in Heaven who sees me for WHO I am, this weight is going to melt away. The emotional and the physical. I won’t feel like I’m trying to fill some void with things that don’t serve my mind or body.

I’ve got so much more to share with about this, but this post is already far too long, so until next time let me just let me remind you to love WHO you see, not WHAT you see.

And hey, I’m here to help coach you if you’re interested in finding your purpose, improving your relationships and reaching your goals and dreams. Just drop a comment below and we will get something set up.

Much love,
Tammy