Tammy Miller
January 13, 2020

Here are some more thoughts I promised to share from my original post “Love Who You See, Not What You See.”

Here we go….

I’ve reflected a lot on what my Dad said to me all those years ago. I’m certain my Dad’s intent wasn’t to hurt me and I’m certain he would never have imagined the impact his words had on me then and throughout the years – the compounding impact and effect it had over time, as I fed myself an abundance of self-deprecating thoughts, lies, really – to the point that it snowballed into something I felt I had no control over. Honestly, it became all-consuming. It was beyond overwhelming.

Our words. Our thoughts – these running sentences in our brains – they are so powerful! The impact, the results can be so harsh, so devastating when they are negative.

Where there was once a space of peace and innocence regarding my body, it was instantly replaced with an awareness that my body wasn’t beautiful enough, skinny enough, good enough….all because of a comment was made….that I adopted as an absolute truth. This was the beginning of a debilitating comparison to others where I never felt like I measured up.

And then there was this void. The void grew wider and deeper. I filled the void with food, thinking that would make me feel better. It did momentarily as it pretended to make me feel better but in all reality it was just keeping me from feeling my emotions. And then the guilt and disgust that ensued after the binge. The emotional eating was just a temporary fix. I don’t think I realized that that was just compounding the problem.

Food became my drug of choice to “feel” better, but of course it was this vicious cycle of binge eating followed by more negative self-talk and feeling so low about myself. I was drowning in a river of shame. Sometimes I felt like it was going to consume me because the pit felt too deep to crawl out of.

I wanted the emptiness to go away. But how? My self worth and value became so attached to how I looked, the number on the scale and the size of my clothing. This is where I placed my value as a human being. It’s crazy to write this and see this because I KNOW better now, but I didn’t know better at the time. I feel so sad for my younger self.

I couldn’t see my value beyond that, and no matter what I did or what I achieved in terms of body weight or size over the years, it was never, ever good enough for me. I kept thinking that by fixing the external it would take care of the void I felt internally.

And here’s honest to goodness TRUTH, my value, just like yours, was pre-determined before we came to this earth. We are beautiful children of a loving God. When we allow ourselves to be fed by Him through His word we are filled to overflowing and we are reminded that we are most precious to Him. Instead of the empty, superficial crap you hear through media and the diet industry that just promises you the world but leaves you feeling like your worth is all measured by your size and weight.

We’ve got to stop feeding {pun intended} into the lies. Ladies {and perhaps any gentlemen that are reading this}, let us remember WHOSE we are and try to be the best version of ourselves – not perfect – just better each day. Satan wants us to hate our body. He wants us to abuse our bodies with whatever substance out there: food, drugs, alcohol, pornography, or whatever else. He wants us to believe that those things will make us happy but he knows what the consequences are for us.

Several years ago I read a profound quote by Geneen Roth from her book “Women Food God” that I want to share with you. She said: “our work is not to change what you do, but to witness what you do with enough awareness, enough curiosity, enough tenderness that the lies and old decisions upon which the compulsion is based become apparent and fall away. When you no longer believe that eating will save your life when you feel exhausted or overwhelmed or lonely, you will stop. When you believe in yourself more than you believe in food, you will stop using food as if it were your only chance at not falling apart.”

It truly is the POWER of our THOUGHTS (those sentences in our brain) that create our results. Ladies, this is WHY I chose to be a life coach along with the other things I do because this work is powerful. In the scriptures God showed me how I needed to govern my thinking. I asked Him for help. He answered. He has also asked me to be more real, more transparent, more vulnerable and completely authentic. That’s scary for someone that has struggled with caring too much about what people think of her…, but I’m here to promise you that I will show up more and more that way because it is so liberating.

Before closing this post up, I wanted to share another powerful quote from Geneen Roth: “ when the shape of your body no longer matches the shape of your beliefs, the weight disappears. And yes, it really is that simple.” Wow, chew on that. This one literally brought me to tears.

Most people struggle with feelings of low self-worth at different times in their lives because the world wants us to judge ourselves by so many different and difficult standards and then we get so caught up in the comparing game. Let’s promise to not do that any longer. Our divine worth is constant — and it comes from WHO we are: divine children of a loving Heavenly Father.

So, just a reminder, “love WHO you see, not what you see.”

In closing I’d like to offer you a free mini consultation to see if working with me could help you out. I coach women that are searching for their purpose in the throes of or beyond motherhood, those struggling with self-confidence and those looking to improve their relationships with themself and others.

Talk to you again soon,